A Letter Every Man Should Read

This is an open letter. I am writing it in light of the recent rise to notoriety of self-styled “pick up artist” Daryush Valizadeh and the ideas he propagates, and in response to the mindset of the “seduction community” as a whole.

Dear Reader,

My body is not your fortress to conquer.

My belt buckle is not your lock to pick.

I am not your game to bring down.

You might feel lonely, or frustrated, and I am sorry about that. You were likely influenced by a media machinery which has taught you that sex and sexually available women are everywhere, up for grabs. They are not. Society has likely led you to believe that your worth and your masculinity are determined by how many women you “manage” to sleep with. It is not. You might feel entitled to my body. You are not.

I don’t care what you believe the “natural order” of things should be. I don’t care whether you think I am naturally weaker, or less, than you. I don’t care about your testosterone levels, and I don’t care about your misrepresentation of evolutionary psychology.

I am a human being with the right to self-determination and the right to decide what happens to my body. You cannot trick me or talk me into sleeping with you. You may be able, in my weak moments, to take advantage of my emotional vulnerability, or my loneliness, or my inebriation. That is psychological violence.  You are being emotionally abusive to another human being.

I am not the scantily clad model on the billboard you see on your way to work. I am not a sexualized, dehumanized body. I am not a pair of legs waiting to be pried open. I am your mother, your sister, your daughter, and your wife.

I understand that in many ways, being a man is difficult. Your worth in the eyes of society is often measured by how much you earn, how shiny your car is and how attractive and numerous your sexual partners are. Your masculinity is only intact for as long as you don’t show emotions. When you grow attached to a partner, you are mocked for being “whipped”. That representation of what it means to be a man is just as false as the idea that a woman’s worth is determined by her exterior. We are fighting the same harmful gender roles. We are on the same side.

So please stand with me. Please treat me with respect. If you would like to sleep with me, your best bet is to take a genuine interest in me as a human being. If you would like to have casual sex, please be honest about your intentions so I can make a fully informed decision. If you feel obligated to have sex with me in order to feel manly or to validate your ego, please reconsider.

It will not make you any less of a man.

Love,

A Woman